A Life of Care Giving – Becoming an Enlightened Caregiver

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Caring for an elderly member of your family is a huge responsibility that very few people actually take on today. It is to be commended for so many reasons, especially when you consider just how much caregivers do give up to dedicate themselves to their family. When you do accept the task of looking after an individual family member who is no longer capable of taking care of his or herself, the key element to remember is that you have no idea just how long that commitment will be. It could be months, it could be years, but either way you will be mentally exhausted and close to burnout within a few weeks of beginning your role as primary caregiver.

The role of primary caregiver is an all consuming one that will quickly take over your life. There is no way to avoid this and, despite all of your best efforts, it is unavoidable. The problem is that you will find it difficult to actually switch off and thus will find it essential to rest every now and again, whether that means getting away for a few days or taking a break within your own home. Either way, just like an ordinary full time job, you will need to recharge your batteries because they will get very low very quickly.

Before you can think about when you will take a break, you must make arrangements to have your elderly relative taken care of in your absence. There are a few options when it comes to this element of your own personal care. The first is respite placements in a retirement home. Many homes actually reserve rooms solely for respite cases in order for families to have a rest from the constant demands that are placed upon them. You can view the home in question before booking a place, and all of the homes with this specific facility will be listed at the local authority offices in your area as well as being available via search facilities on the Internet.

Another option is getting home help or home care in for the time that you are away or taking a break. Home help will visit up to three times a day for approximately an hour to wash, dress and feed your relative. However, they will not remain with them round the clock. Another version of this is home care, which means that your relative will have someone there for a longer period of time but again not at his or her beck and call around the clock. If you spend a lot of time with your relative then this not be the best option to give you peace of mind, and of course it all depends on how able your relative is to begin with.

The final option is actually getting another member of your family to help out for a few days, just to relieve you of your duties for the time being. It would possibly be easier to hand over the reigns because there would be less chance that they could not be brought up to speed with developments and routines. You could also reach them at a moment’s notice and have peace of mind that your elderly relative was being cared for. This is all dependent on getting a volunteer at all, let alone one that you could trust with that task.

Of course, you could always combine two or more of these options if it was financially viable for you to do so. However, money is often no object where the welfare of a family member is concerned. The choice is yours, but for your own health you must take a break as often as you possibly can in order to remain mentally functional. Burnout is no good for you or for the relative whose welfare is in your hands. As primary caregiver, you owe it to your family to take a break.

Caring for the elderly, whether complete strangers or those related to you, can be extremely rewarding. The sense of satisfaction can be immense. However, the down side of caring is that it can be extremely frustrating and upsetting for all parties concerned, especially for the carer. Until you have actually been through it yourself you can never fully appreciate exactly how stressful it can be. It can bring out every possible negative emotion in you that you could ever think of and put you on the fast track to burnout. It is a full time occupation because you will find that it is all you ever think about, even when you are elsewhere. Therefore, it is extremely important to learn how to recognise the signs of stress and how to cope with it early on.

Caregivers can experience extreme stress over the course of their time as a carer for an elderly relative. The most upsetting thing is perhaps getting to know a person really well and then have him or her turn around and not recognise you anymore. It can be heartbreaking, but this may well happen to you. This is obviously an extreme example, but it can cause major stress on your part. There are other causes of stress when caring for the elderly as well. The list can include, but is not limited to, non-compliance with requests, violence, threatening or unreasonable behaviour, illness, confusion and then of course there is the amount of work that you will need to do in order to care for another individual on a full time basis. Even if you are not with that elderly person 24 hours a day, it is still hard to get away from the role. You will find that you constantly think about it and cannot switch off. It may even become the focus of your life until you learn how to deal with it.

It is important to recognise the symptoms. You may find that you are unable to eat, eat too much or suffer from a lack of sleep, even when you are extremely tired. You may become depressed and moody, or find yourself bursting into tear for no apparent reason other than you feel like it. You will almost certainly feel like you are running on empty but keep going even though you feel like you have no energy left at all. This will result in lethargy and snapping at those closest to you. Your frustrations may even be directed at the person you are caring for at the time. You will also find that you will see less of your friends and family because you don’t have time to make the effort any more. In short, your life will revolve around the elderly person you care for but your moods will swing like a pendulum. When you get to that stage, it is time to do something about it!

As soon as you recognize that you have some of those symptoms you must start to take care of your own health because, if you are not mentally well, then you are not fully capable of looking after someone else. How you cope with this and solve the problem is up to you because everyone has different needs and different ways of relaxing. Some carers simply take a break. They go on holiday or take some time off and arrange for someone else to be around to relieve them for a bit. By doing this, you will not be worrying constantly and will be able to enjoy your time off. Other may seek advice from a counsellor so that they can discuss their frustrations and get them all out into the open. The reason they choose a professional is because they are paid not to judge. You may also be able to get home help in so that you can have more time to yourself during the day.

There is no way of avoiding the stress that caregivers are put under, but you have to take care of yourself first. That is the golden rule. Everyone needs a break, and caregivers are no different, so make sure that you get some time off before everything becomes too much.

Vacation And Respite

Caring for an elderly member of your family is a huge responsibility that very few people actually take on today. It is to be commended for so many reasons, especially considering how much caregivers give up in dedicating themselves to their family. When you do accept the task of looking after an individual family member who is no longer capable of taking care of his or herself, a key element to remember is that you have no idea how long this commitment will last. It could be months, it could be years, but one thing you can count on is that you will become mentally and emotionally exhausted and close to burnout in your role as primary caregiver if proper care is not taken to protect yourself.

The role of primary caregiver is an all consuming one that quickly takes over your life. There is no avoidance of this. The problem is that it is impossible to turn off the care giving and so it is essential to get rest every now and again, whether it is getting away for a few days or taking a break within your own home. Just as with an ordinary full time job, you will need to recharge your batteries because they will get very low very quickly.

Before you can think about taking that break, you must make arrangements to have your elderly relative taken care of in your absence. There are a few options when it comes to this aspect of the care you are giving. Your first option is with other family members. Asking for their help can and has led to resentments and even estrangements but if it is for a short time it may be easier to hand over the reigns to family as there is a better chance that they could be brought up to speed with developments and routines. You could also reach them at a moment’s notice and have peace of mind that your elderly relative was being cared for.

The second choice is respite placements at a retirement home. Many homes actually reserve rooms solely for respite cases in order for families to have a rest from the constant demands that are placed upon them. You can view the home in question before booking a place, and all of the homes with this specific facility will be listed at the local authority offices in your area as well as being available via search facilities on the Internet.

Another option is getting in-home help if you are taking a short break. In-home help can be a volunteer from your church or a senior center and they may visit several times a day to wash, dress and feed your relative, however, they may not remain around the clock. This is all dependent on getting a volunteer at all, let alone one that you could trust with that task. There are private companies that provide home care at a price, providing your relative with someone for a longer period of time. If you spend a lot of time with your relative then this may not be the best option to give you peace of mind, and of course it all depends on how able your care recipient is to begin with.

Of course, you could always combine two or more of these options if it was financially viable for you to do so. However, money is often no object where the welfare of a family member is concerned. The choice is yours, but for your own health you must take a break as often as you possibly can in order to remain mentally functional. Burnout is no good for you or for the recipient whose welfare is in your hands. As primary caregiver, you owe it to your family to take a break.

• Tags: Burnout, Comfort Of Home 
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