A Life of Care Giving – Becoming an Enlightened Caregiver

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The notion that parents cherish all their children equally — or at least say they do — is so entrenched in our culture that colleagues warned Karl Pillemer, a gerontologist at Cornell University embarking on the first of many studies of family favoritism, that his research would prove futile. No mother, they insisted, would admit to caring more for one son or daughter than another.

So much for that. His team’s interviewers, talking to mothers ages 65 to 75 in the Boston area about their adult offspring, found that most were perfectly willing to name favorites. “Most mothers have very distinct preferences,” Dr. Pillemer said. “There’s one to whom they feel most emotionally close . . .

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Mary Ellen Geist decided to leave her job as a CBS Radio anchor to return home to Michigan when her father’s Alzheimer’s got to be too much for her mother to shoulder alone. She chose to live her life by a different set of priorities: to be guided by her heart, not by outside accomplishment and recognition.

The New York Times wrote a front page story about Mary Ellen on Thanksgiving 2005. It was one of the most e-mailed stories for the month. Mary Ellen also kept a blog of her experiences, which received an enormous response from readers on WCBS880.com. Through her own story and through interviews with doctors and other women who’ve followed the “Daughter Track”–leaving a job to care for an aging parent–Geist offers eye-opening advice. She shares emotional insights on how to encourage interaction with the loved one you’re caring for; how to determine daily tasks that are achievable and rewarding; how the personality of the patient affects the caregiving and the progression of the disease; as well as invaluable advice about how the reader can take care of themselves while accomplishing the Herculean task of constant caregiving to others.

Geist’s years in journalism allow her to report on Boomers’ caretaking dilemmas with professional objectivity, and her warm voice brings compassion and insight to one of the most difficult stituations a son or daughter may face during his or her life.

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I came across this article the other day. I found it because it uses the same title as my blog. When I read it, I thought I must have written it and forgot. It is beautifully written and I encourage you to take a look. It’s short and a very nice read.

October 2007
10:00 a.m. She’s sleeping more and more and waking up later and later every day. She has forgotten how to brush her teeth, so I put the paste on her brush and help her make up and down motions over her teeth. She doesn’t want to bathe this morning, so we skip over that and get dressed. I coax her to place her arms in the sleeves of her blouse and her legs in the pants. She allows me to brush her hair. 11:00 I sit her down at the breakfast table and put a cup of coffee and today’s newspaper in front of her . (go here). .

Monica Dodds understands the pressures that millions of middle-aged Americans endure as they become caregivers to aging parents. Her professional work with the elderly has exposed her to the complex medical, financial, and legal problems that entangle older people. Her personal experience helping ailing family members has given her deep insight into the difficulties caregivers face in dealing with these problems. A Catholic Guide to Caring for Your Aging Parent is a comprehensive guide for caregivers.

Dodds insists that faith is a fundamental part of caregiving, and her approach is deeply rooted in Catholic spirituality. She shows adult children how they can love and serve their aging parents better by deepening their own spiritual lives. “Caregiving”, she says, “is a time of many grace-filled moments.”

Dodds explains how to properly assess the needs of a failing older person, and she writes in detail about the physical, mental, emotional, interpersonal, and spiritual dimensions of care. Three extensive appendices provide checklists for assessing needs, a compilation of resources, and an anthology of prayers.

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