A Life of Care Giving – Becoming an Enlightened Caregiver

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For all of us forced to deal with an infuriating, mean, critical person, seasoned counselor Nina Brown has a word of warning. You must accept that your usual coping strategies are not effective, and will not be effective, with this person, she advises. You cannot expect them to react and behave as adults. So what’s a victim to do? Start with the suggestions in this book.

In Coping with Infuriating, Mean, Critical People, Brown explains why many people, who may not display all of the characteristics necessary for a formal, full-blown narcissist diagnosis, still display what she calls a destructive narcissistic pattern that results in much the same anguish for those with whom the individual interacts. Thankfully, she also provides specific methods that will help victims of this behavior deal with the narcissistic colleague, supervisor or boss, parent, or intimate other.

Only the extremely lucky among us have never faced or felt the effects of narcissistic behaviors and attitudes, displayed by colleagues, bosses, friends, parents, or lovers. These individuals may boast and brag constantly, take credit for other people’s work, expect favors but return few or none, never listen (but always know all the answers), be sure of what is right and best regardless of the topic. They devalue others, micromanage, are hypercritical and mistrustful. Other characteristics of this harmful personality include an inflated sense of importance, although achievements are exaggerated and actual outcomes don’t support feelings of superiority. They are exploitative, without empathy, and believe they are envied by all. Brown’s excellent advice will help you cope.

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A memoir of a daughter, her parents and the Beast named – Alzheimer’s: A story of Life, Love and Death, Deborah Ann Tornillo chronicles the time spent taking care of her mother and father, both of whom were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in February 2006.

“I didn’t know when I would tell this story, I just knew I would,” Tornillo writes. “Both my mother and father had Alzheimer’s; my Mom was further along in the disease process than my Dad. It was an incredible journey spending the last year and a half of their life with them, slowly watching the disease take its toll.”

36 Days Apart recounts this painful, enlightening journey, and Tornillo writes candidly about the struggles and fears she faced as her parents’ caregiver. When the diagnosis came in 2006, Tornillo bravely faced the reality that she would need to take care of them full-time. At first, this entailed monthly flights back and forth to her home state, but it quickly became apparent that the Alzheimer’s was progressing in both parents much more quickly than first anticipated.

As their disease progressed, Tornillo was faced with the difficult task of learning how to be a parent to her own parents. Through the year and a half of caring for them she extensively researched Alzheimer’s in order to provide the best care possible, all the while knowing that the disease would eventually win in the end. She found herself saying goodbye to her father first, but little did she know that her mother would pass away just 36 days later.

36 Days Apart gives an honest, unflinching look at the realities of caring for and losing loved ones to Alzheimer’s. Tornillo gives the reader an inside look into the day-to-day life she faced during her heartbreaking, difficult time. “The two most important things I learned from my parents as we traveled this road together was how to stay strong in faith and never lose compassion for others or myself,” she writes. “I was blessed to have learned from them their wisdom of life and death. I have faith that as you read my parent’s story you will gain the strength and wisdom needed to guide you.”

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Acceptance, courage, friendship, awareness, and joy–these are the gifts recounted in more than seventy inspirational essays included in Gifts 2. Edited by Kathryn Lynard Soper, the follow-up to the bestselling first volume, Gifts 2 presents a broader perspective on Down syndrome and life by including passionate stories by siblings, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, as well as mothers of older children. Friends, teachers, medical professionals, and coaches also share the joys of knowing and caring for someone with Down syndrome.

Like the previous book, Gifts 2 helps us see that the hopes and dreams family and friends have for a child with Down syndrome are similar to the ones we have for any child. And, more often than not, expectations are fulfilled–if not always the way we anticipated they would be. A grandparent, inspired by his grandson’s strong will, discovers the ability to persevere and not give up on a job. A brother who assumed he would be the person helping his sibling with Down syndrome describes how often it is the other way around. A young teacher remembers her first student with Down syndrome and it gives her strength and clarity when she is faced with her own child’s diagnosis.

This heartfelt collection is a source of comfort to other families, and offers insight to anyone who wonders how people with Down syndrome live today. Give the ultimate gift, share both volumes with family and friends, your child’s teacher or pediatrician–help raise public awareness and provide others a point-of-view they might otherwise miss.

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2008 National Parenting Publications Awards (NAPPA): Gold Award; 2008 Mom’s Choice Awards: Silver Recipient, Special Exceptional Needs; 2008 Nautilus Award: Silver Winner, Memoir/Personal Growth

Having a baby with Down syndrome is not something most parents would willingly choose. Yet many who travel this path discover rich, unexpected rewards along the way. In this candid and poignant collection of personal stories, sixty-three mothers describe the gifts of respect, strength, delight, perspective, and love, which their child with Down syndrome has brought into their lives. The contributors to this collection have diverse personalities and perspectives, and draw from a wide spectrum of ethnicity, world views, and religious beliefs. Some are parenting within a traditional family structure; some are not. Some never considered terminating their pregnancy; some struggled with the decision. Some were calm at the time of diagnosis; some were traumatized. Some write about their pregnancy and the months after giving birth; some reflect on years of experience with their child. Their diverse experiences point to a common truth: The life of a child with Down syndrome is something to celebrate. These women have something to say–not just to other mothers but to all of us.

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The book that thousands of new parents and professionals have turned to as their first source of information on Down syndrome. This classic guide provides new parents with straightforward and compassionate advice and insight. It helps families become more confident in their ability to cope, to learn about their child’s development, to know where to seek help, and to advocate for their child. This second edition, written by the same knowledgeable parents and professionals who contributed to the first edition, covers these important areas: diagnosis; medical concerns treatment; coping with your emotions; daily care; family life; early intervention; special education; and legal rights. The satisfying blend of practical information and emotional support make BABIES WITH DOWN SYNDROME the guide new families will want to refer to first.

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