A Life of Care Giving – Becoming an Enlightened Caregiver

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One of the greatest joys in the life of any senior is their grandchildren. After doing the parent thing and being able to have the satisfaction of seeing your children grown into respectable and successful adults, you now get to look after their children, spoiling them rotten and then sending them home before they become too much of a handful! Grandchildren can inject a new lease of life into even the most exhausted of seniors and bring a new meaning to life. You may find yourself taking part in activities that you wouldn’t dream of and visiting places that you wouldn’t normally be caught dead in, but that is the beauty of looking after the young!

Grandchildren can be a handful but do tend to be better behaved for their grandparents than their parents. As you probably have more than enough experience of raising children then I am sure that you will be prepared for that, as well as the mind games that come with it. Discussing that first, children have a wonderful habit of trying to wrap certain adults who play an integral role in their upbringing around their little fingers and try to play them off against one another. In order to avoid the mind games, it may be wise to have a quick chat with your own children before agreeing to take care of the little ones for the day to see exactly what they have been up to. Not only is it delightful to catch up on their progress, this will also alert you to the tricks that they may try on you. As you weren’t born yesterday, this will fully equip you to deal with their complaints and comments as they come up.

The most important thing when looking after your grandchildren is to establish boundaries immediately. Children usually obey grandparental boundaries because they perceive them as law rather than guidelines for behaviour. For some reason, they respect them more and challenge them less than parental boundaries. As a result of this, you should endeavour to follow the rules that their parents have established in their upbringing thus far. Not only does this reinforce parental authority, it also provides them with continuity. It makes their rules less ambiguous and thus they are less likely to utter the phrase “But at grandma’s…” and any other variations of this that you can think of.

None of this is to say that you shouldn’t spoil your grandchildren rotten. After all, that is what grandparents are for! Grandchildren make seniors feel young again and, as a thank you, they deserve treats every now and again. However, using these treats as incentives can help to teach them vital qualities that they may miss at home. Temper tantrums and sulks can obscure parental teachings because children have a tendency to block out anything that they don’t want to hear. Coming from a grandparent bearing treats though it is an entirely different matter!

Any senior that has a grandchild or grandchildren should feel extremely blessed. There is nothing better than seeing your own flesh and blood grow into positive and honest human beings, but seniors should never lose sight of the fact that they are one of the major influences on their grandchildren’s lives. They will actively watch everything you do and copy it so they will pick up any bad habits you have. If you are a positive influence on them then you should take some of the credit for the way they turn out. Above all else though, you should enjoy the tie you spend with your grandchildren because any people never get the chance. Make the most of every second and relive your childhood!

For all of us forced to deal with an infuriating, mean, critical person, seasoned counselor Nina Brown has a word of warning. You must accept that your usual coping strategies are not effective, and will not be effective, with this person, she advises. You cannot expect them to react and behave as adults. So what’s a victim to do? Start with the suggestions in this book.

In Coping with Infuriating, Mean, Critical People, Brown explains why many people, who may not display all of the characteristics necessary for a formal, full-blown narcissist diagnosis, still display what she calls a destructive narcissistic pattern that results in much the same anguish for those with whom the individual interacts. Thankfully, she also provides specific methods that will help victims of this behavior deal with the narcissistic colleague, supervisor or boss, parent, or intimate other.

Only the extremely lucky among us have never faced or felt the effects of narcissistic behaviors and attitudes, displayed by colleagues, bosses, friends, parents, or lovers. These individuals may boast and brag constantly, take credit for other people’s work, expect favors but return few or none, never listen (but always know all the answers), be sure of what is right and best regardless of the topic. They devalue others, micromanage, are hypercritical and mistrustful. Other characteristics of this harmful personality include an inflated sense of importance, although achievements are exaggerated and actual outcomes don’t support feelings of superiority. They are exploitative, without empathy, and believe they are envied by all. Brown’s excellent advice will help you cope.

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In her bestselling Raising a Thinking Child, Myrna B. Shure introduced her nationally acclaimed “I Can Problem Solve” program, which helps four to seven-year-olds develop essential skills to resolve daily conflicts and think for themselves. With Raising a Thinking Preteen, Shure has tailored this plan especially for eight-to twelve-year-olds as they approach the unique challenges of adolescence.

The preteen years are often the last opportunity for parents to teach their children how to think for themselves. This book is the only source with a proven plan to help them do just that.

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A vast readership awaits How to Negotiate with Kids. It addresses some of today’s top parenting concerns: how to deal with a child who disagrees, how to avoid being either an ogre or a pushover, and-most of all-how to handle conflicts in ways that build lasting relationships with children.

Scott Brown, a founding member of the world-famous Harvard Negotiation Project, coauthor of Getting Together, and a father of four, has found that parents face the same dilemmas as negotiators everywhere. Now he has adapted his highly acclaimed techniques to teach parents how to:

* manage their own emotions and reactions during conflict
* manage their children’s emotions and strengthen their emotional control
* listen in ways that will build understanding
* negotiate solutions to common problems
* teach their children to be problem solvers
* learn when not to negotiate
* discipline wisely

Personal anecdotes, stories from Brown’s workshop families, and sample dialogues of “right” and “wrong” approaches make How to Negotiate with Kids an essential tool for parents who want to reduce conflict and strengthen their families in ways that will protect their children’s emotional health and happiness.

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After the divorce of my parents when I was three years old, I was left in the care of my undiagnosed psychotic grandmother. I was continually confused and neglected by my working mother. When I thought to complain to her she admonished me and said, “A cat has kittens they don’t bother the mother cat. Do you mean to tell me you aren’t as smart as a cat?? I felt ashamed to be in need of parental guidance as I grew up. Then I grew resentful at my life in her home After my grandma tried to kill me the my mother came to believe I needed her help. After I married I felt that I didn’t want her, or her help in my life. However, something happened that made me realize she was a good negative teacher. I am grateful we were able to improve our relationship.

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